WORRY AND ANXIETY

I am usually a pretty laid back kind of gal. I don’t sweat the small stuff and pretty much everything is small stuff. However, I am having vocal cord surgery on the 12th of October and I must be honest. I am now the owner of worry and anxiety.

It shows up mostly in the mornings when I am laying in bed. I start thinking about the surgery.  My right vocal cord is paralyzed and so they have to open up my airway and inject a filler substance into my vocal cord.

No biggie, right?

Yeah, well you have the pathway to your lungs being messed with and see if you don’t freak out too.

My concern is not so much the actual surgery but my bodies response to the filler. I am highly allergic to most medications. My allergy list exceeds ten different medications and it is growing daily.

So, what may be a walk in the park for most people, may be a life threatening situation for me. If the filler causes my right vocal cord to swell too much then I have lost my airway. Kind of scary…

Now, I am all good with passing on. I don’t really think that this life is in any way better than a life with God in heaven but I have not finished my novel. I truly believe that is the main purpose for me being alive and I am very goal driven. The thought of not fulfilling my purpose for God is the most horrid thought.

So, all of these crazy thoughts were going through my mind the other day, when an unusual event occurred.

I was sitting at my desk, in my bedroom, and I kept feeling God nudge me.

I pushed Him aside, as if he was a love starved cat. He kept nudging me to look at the Bible verse calendar on my desk. I have three different ones and then another one on my wall but most days I don’t pay them much attention.

The Holy Spirit kept pestering me until I finally picked one of those desk calendars up and started leafing through it until my eyes found the one for October 7.

“I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefor my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will also rest secure.” Psalm 16:8-9

I think I heard God sigh when I found that verse. I was so excited. To have a verse which I can claim over my body when going into surgery is just beyond belief the greatest assurance that He is in control.

In addition to this, I have so very many people who have said that they will pray for me. One sweet lady in my church even put it on her phone calendar. I can not tell you how thankful I am for all  of those prayers.

If you would like to pray for me I would welcome your prayers also.

I intend to blog a lot after the surgery because I have five days where I am not supposed to speak even one word. Kind of stoked about that too because it will give me time to write.

I am hoping I can talk normally after the surgery and I have always asked God to work on my singing voice because I am so off tune I could crack glass.

Who knows? Maybe I will not only be able to talk again but have a voice which is pleasing to the ears when I sing. Hoping, hoping. hoping….

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