I don’t know how long it has been since you have been divorced or for that matter how long it has been since someone has done you wrong.
I do know one thing. When I am out on dates I have spent far too much time talking about men who have disrespected me and/or dishonored me and are now in the “ex” category.
I have also suffered men who waste my time on dates by going on and on about their exes.
When someone goes on and on about their ex-spouse or any other kind of ex they have not processed through the anger and hurt to a point of stability.
Some men want to know about my past relationships. It is none of their business. My past is between God and I.
I too have sought to hear the forlorn story about why their marriage ended in divorce. I do this for a reason. As least that is the lie I have been telling myself.
I want to see if they take any responsibility for the divorce. If they do, then I consider them to have attained some sense of maturity. If they blame everything on the other spouse then they do not realize their part in the break up.
If they go on and on about how perfect they were and how awful their ex is there is no hope.
They can not change their ex. They only can change themselves.
If they are smart they will spend some time in self reflection and work on changing who they are and one of the best ways to do that is to let go of the pain.
From now on I am going to avoid the “ex” subject like the plague.
To do so I need to realign my navigation of conversation starters.
I need to rethink the questions I have used as conversation starters.
An example may be, “Have you identified anything that you could do differently in the future which would lead to a stronger relationship?”
“What things would you like to do in future relationships which you have not done yet?”
“In what ways has the heartache of a divorce caused you to grow? Has it made you better in any way?”
All of these questions open the door to possible exploration of an area of strength.
If a person does not take your lead and walk into strength then you need to cut them loose because people who focus on weakness and despair will only sink your ship.