I have learned so much from relationships. The last long term relationship I had lasted four and a half years.
Throughout the relationship I noticed several things happening.
He was always the one who chose where we went and what we did. The few times I chose the location for our dates he had “attitude.”
He was very insecure and if I didn’t worship the ground he walked on, he would stomp out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
He threw three temper tantrums in public, probably more, which would have beat any two year olds’ tantrum hands down.
He had road rage. It made it very uncomfortable for me to drive anywhere with him. I confronted him about this but he refused to change.
I started walking on egg shells. Trying not to get him upset. I stopped confronting him. I gave up all of the things I wanted to go to. I did this to please him, yet he remained temperamental and unhappy.
I felt torn inside. He was good to me in some ways, but there was something wrong. I could feel it. Something was changing and I didn’t like the change. I was starting to lose me. Becoming a shadow of him and dimming the limelight I had once been.
One of my girlfriends put it so well when she said, ” When I first met you, you were vibrant and alive. He is stealing you little by little and you are not the same person you were when we met.”
I could tell she missed me. I missed myself more.
During those years I gave up my writing. I tried to write but every time I asked to have a weekend at home alone he would accuse me of cheating on him. So I stopped asking for that time.
Last October I finally confronted him about the future of our relationship. I found out he wanted me to sell my house. That was the only thing I had left, which I loved, that was mine.
I ended the relationship.
I began the process of trying to find myself.
I found that writing is my avenue for self discovery. It is a breathtaking, beautiful path back to me.
It is where I play with words, hoping that they will explode with the brilliance of wisdom.
However, words which are written bear no worth unless they are read.
For all of you who have taken time out of your day to view my blog I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every view, every comment, every follower, every re-blog is grabbing me by the hand and pulling back into the comfort of self acceptance.
I am so grateful for each and every one of you.
I hope that in some small way you are blessed, and your life is enhanced by the words that I write.
More than that, I hope you never betray yourself in the pursuit of love. Anyone who truly loves you should never force you to do that anyway.