THE BLACK HOLE OF BETRAYAL

I sat on my rocking chair engulfed in emotional pain and sobbing uncontrollably when I realized that absolutely everyone that I loved in this life had betrayed me at one point or another. 

I wondered what it was about me that caused someone to want to hurt me in such a vicious way. I thought it was because I had always been a nurturer, an advocate, someone who would take the wounded bird under my wing. 

I was a protector. I have always been one. 

Why is it that those that I have protected seek to attack me?

My next thought was  “I just won’t protect anymore. I will find people who are as strong, as successful and as intelligent as I am and those are the ones I will let into my heart.”

This morning though as I was writing back to one of my dear friends in the blog world I realized one thing. I had it wrong.

I was betrayed not because of who I was. The betrayal was because of where the other person is.

To betray you are unhappy, lost and in a very dark place. People who betray are fearful, full of hate, out for revenge and blinded by their own darkness. It is a very deep and dark and sad  hole.

So how does someone like myself who loves to love and shine my light, deal with betrayal?  

You don’t own the betrayal.

People betray others for a myriad of reasons. It is mostly their own fear which causes them to betray. It has nothing to do with you.

You continue to shine your light of love. That is the only way to break through the darkness. 

This does not mean you become a doormat for the one who betrayed you. That would snuff out your light. What it does mean is you desperately grasp the hand of God.

You ask Him to show you how to shine your love to people. It may not be time for you to shine your light into the darkness of the one who has betrayed you. He will let you know when that time has come. 

To love someone to receive love back is a very self serving venture. It is best to love as God loves, unconditionally and without expectation.

Continue to love because the Spirit of God within you loves and as a Christian you are an extension of Him. 

Remember betrayal is not about you, it is really about God and how He responded to betrayal.
He gave his only Son to explode the darkness of sin with the power of His love, ensuring that those of us who have betrayed Him could have eternal life in His presence. 

 

 


WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR EX HAS MARRIED WHITE TRASH

I was not thrilled with my ex-husband’s choice for his second wife. He married very soon after our divorce was final and I had counseled him to wait awhile before he jumped into another marriage. He didn’t listen.

When he moved down to Florida to live with the woman who would be number three in his line of marriages I didn’t know what to think. 

Then I got an email. It was a notification that they were now married and they asked me to buy a DVD of their wedding that they had had in Vegas. If I couldn’t buy a DVD then I was asked to buy them a gift. 

My lawyer, Mr. Roly Poly, advised me to buy a DVD. I passed. I didn’t know how long this marriage would last but I wasn’t going to waste a penny celebrating it.

I told a friend of mine about the wedding “announcement”. She said that was a white trash thing to do. 

I agreed and the more I get to know his third wife the more white trash she has become.


SEARCHING FOR JUSTICE PART 7

On 01/25/10 a final modification order was drafted with the child support changing to $1630 on 1/10, 2/10,3/10 and then $1366 per month. My ex was to pay $200.00 monthly for the arrears on 2/1/10 and 3/1/10 . Then he was to pay 473$ monthly beginning on 4/10 and stair step to $746.00 because at that time the child support was to decrease to 1093 per month. This is the amount ordered for a man who now was making $90,000 plus bonuses.  

I was still responsible for three of his children so I should have received 30% of his income. Judge Madness was having difficulty with math. The correct amount for child support for three children when the income is $90,000 is $2250 monthly. Plus he was still responsible for the arrears also. 

I think that Judge Madness should invest in a calculator. It makes it so much easier for people who are brain-dead to do simple math equations.

But alas this was not the only error that was entered in this court fiasco.Nope, the Texas AG was putting their sticky fingers into the cookie jar too. They had listed my arrears on their court order which was $8,527.93 as of 12/31/2009 when the actual amount was $10,969.74. In that error they stole $2,441.81 from me. 

It is beyond scary to know that a great many people in the state of Texas consider Greg Abbott a good man. If he is a good man then the Texas AG child support division would not be a corrupt bunch of liars, thieves and idiots. A person is judged by their fruits according to God and fruit of Mr Abbott is rotten with deceit and corruption.


Newly Separated Parent in Custody Battle? Must READ!

This problem with family court does not just involve me. It involves a lot of other women and men who are being unjustly treated by a system which is based on justice.

THE ADDICTION OF INTERNET DATING

I am an addict, I admit it. I am an internet dating addict.

Every day at least once or twice a day I check my inbox, hoping to see Mr. Wonderful.

He is not there. 

Have I dated? You bet I have.

Did I have fun on those dates? For the most part, yes.

Did I meet some worthy, handsome and successful gentlemen? Yep, I met some great guys and had some wonderful dates. 

So why did I take down my profiles on both dating sites recently?

It was too easy to discard men and maybe myself. If it didn’t work out with one man there would always be another one waiting.

Plus there was the tension, the conflict within my soul, of wanting to be a Christian yet putting myself into the trap of temptation.

Most people subscribe to dating sites for one reason. That reason is sex. 

Today I had lunch with a good Christian man who I had met on OKCupid. He asked me how I handled the world’s view of premarital sex when I was a Christian.

I confessed I hadn’t had a history of handling it very well. I had premarital sex with a few men, not as many as I could have but more than I should have.

According to men I have dated, the women on Christian Mingle are as sex starved as women on other sites. The men are no better, they are out to get laid also. 

They have the same disease as I have. The disease is hypocrisy. I have become sickened at my hypocrisy regarding premarital sex.

I have confessed my sin but have I repented? It is my understanding that repentance is turning away from sin and walking the other way.

I am now at the point of repentance, pleading with God for forgiveness.
Why now?
I have learned the futility of premarital sex.

Sex without marriage cheapens love and opens the door for Satan to grasp your heart. Sex becomes the primary focus of the relationship and love is lost in the pursuit of sex.

I have experienced the futility of premarital sex.
I had a boyfriend who loved me for my beauty and treated me like a sex object.

He called me the “love of his life.”

We argued constantly.

Every time I needed him to support me he would abandon me.  

Although he is no longer my boyfriend, I learned so much from that relationship.
I learned that if a man loves your body without the commitment of marriage he is blinded to the love of your soul.

Your body is temporal, your soul is eternal.

If you have premarital sex you may be sacrificing eternal love for temporal pleasure.
Is it really worth it?


Protected: SEARCHING FOR JUSTICE PART 6

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ADHD AND CATS

I have adult ADHD.

I waited until I was forty-nine years old before I finally admitted to my doctor that I could not focus. He gave me the ADHD test and yep I scored way up there in like the 95% range. 

Knowing that I had this explained a lot of things to me. I wasn’t just a ditzy blonde. My brain just chose not to tune in when I laid my keys up in the attic of my last house.

My ADHD is why I must have two phones. I have my cell phone which I talk on and my house phone to call my cell phone when I can not find it for the tenth time in a day.

It is frustrating to have ADHD and to be ambitious and driven like I am. It has caused me quite a few moments of total chagrin and embarrassment. Like when I drive off and see my coffee cup flying off the top of my car or when I forget the date of an event I was so looking forward to attending. 

I have had more than one boss point out to me that I have no organizational skills and somehow the fact that I am cute and sweet doesn’t seem to cut the mustard. 

There are two felines in my house though who are thrilled that I have ADHD. They are my two female cats  and they stay in my bedroom most of the day. I have a litter pan nearby in my bathroom and they have a food and water dish in my bedroom.

I will admit my cats are spoiled. They get food in the morning, fresh water and their litter pans are cleaned several times a day. I also give them Taste Temptations every morning and  every time I come inside the house from shopping or work. 

Taste temptations are to cats like a molten lava chocolate cake is to women with PMS. It is a necessary luxury after the first taste. 

The only problem is that I have more than a few feeding locations for my cats. In fact tonight I actually counted and I have eleven bowls scattered throughout my house for my cats. (Yeah, I have several cats which are horizontally challenged in the midriff area)

So after I feed the cats in the morning in my kitchen then I have to go to my laundry room and fill that bowl and then I go to my bedroom to sprinkle some treats on their food. 

There was a couple of times when I could not remember whether I had done the bedroom round. My poor females, who are elderly, came out of the bedroom with the most pitiful look on their furry faces. 

I apologized profusely, ran to get the treats and gave them some. I think that they may have figured out that I don’t remember routine tasks well so they started playing the pitiful look on a more regular basis to get more treats. 

I noticed that this was becoming a habit for them and I knew that every time they pulled that stunt I had not forgotten to give them their treats…  Or had I?… I better make sure and go give them some more. 🙂


IS OBAMACARE AFFORDABLE?

I am not one to swallow propaganda very easily, especially if it is from the far right camp. So I was not believing that Obamacare was the snake oil that they were proposing it to be. 

I had tried a couple of times to register on healthcare.gov with no success. But Kaiser was kind enough to send me a play calculator to approximate my premiums. 

Right now I have not made an income for 18 months and I have been living off of savings. The only income I receive is $10,000 from a family farm. 

So I put that in as the income level thinking that I would get a really low insurance premium. 

It didn’t work out that way at all. Nope, they said I would have to pay $4,108 annually. My jaw dropped to the floor – maybe even beneath the floor. 

So I was supposed to pay over 40% of my income for insurance which I don’t even need because I am more than healthy and they are demanding, not asking, me to pay that. 

I DON’T THINK SO!

Obamacare may be a lot of things, most of which I will not write down because of my Christian beliefs, but one thing it is not is affordable. 


WHERE IS GOD IN THE STORM?

Two summers ago a storm broke loose in Texas. There were tornadoes ripping through my area, hail was smashing windows of cars into fragments and rain was coming down in torrents. 

I was working that day as a home health nurse. I had made plans to meet a coworker for lunch but I was thinking that might not be the smartest idea in this kind of weather.

I called her and she insisted that I meet her for lunch. So I drove into Colleyville to have lunch at a quaint Italian restaurant. 

We sat down and ordered our drinks and I happened to look outside. God had opened the chute  for rain. It was coming down in sheets. 

Then the sirens started for the tornado warnings. I started getting calls from people who loved me, warning me that the tornadoes were close by. 

We continued to eat, stepping into another room occasionally to watch the TV and keep the tornadoes in check. 

We finished our meal as the sirens serenaded us with their irritating tone.

The minute we stepped outside the rain stopped. 

I got in my car and went to go see a patient, driving in the rain.  The minute I arrived at the patient’s retirement village the rain ceased again.

There was not only tornadoes that day but hail also. Many people had car damage. 

My car didn’t get a scratch. In fact my hair didn’t even get wet. My home was still safe and secure. 

I felt as if I was the apple of God’s eye that day. I knew it was Him who had protected me from calamity. I can not think of one thing that I have done in my life which deserved this almighty protection. 

In Isaiah 32: 18-19 the Bible says, “My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation. In secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places. (19) Though hail comes down on the forest and the city is brought low in humiliation.

Well, maybe I did just one thing to deserve his protection. I did become his daughter when I accepted His son as my Savior and what a loving Father He has proven to be. Love you God!


BOTOX AND BLING

To my knowledge Botox has never saved an abused child from the anger of a raging parent. 

I don’t recall hearing any stories about bling saving a puppy from getting kicked at the end of a stressful day.

I don’t believe that a face lift has ever caught a baby who thrown up in the air by  vicious Sudanese militants for target practice. 

The latest rage in facial creams can not replace the ozone layer. 

A spa day can not erase the visible scars of a gun shot. 

I haven’t heard that the perfect hair cut could provide a homeless man with food for a day.

The best manicure does not bring a child back from the dead. 

If Botox and bling can not change the world then how come we deceive ourselves into thinking they can change us into a beautiful person? 

True beauty lies beneath the skin. 

A beautiful woman steps in to relieve the stressed out parent, asking,”if they need a break, could she take the child to the park for a moment?” During the trip to the park she explores just how often the abuse has happened and if it is frequent, takes proper measures to shield the child from more abuse. 

A courageous woman confronts the person who abuses animals. Shaming them for the terror that the sweet puppy must feel. If the shame does not work,she calls the Humane Society. After the animal receives vaccinations that same woman adopts the puppy.

A bold woman gets involved in political activism and cares not only about her children but those of a different color and race. She will advocate for little ones in foreign lands and become a voice for those who are pawns in the horrific game of war.

An intelligent person will realize that if we don’t start nurturing God’s creation with tender love we will in fact destroy the meadows that our grandchildren would frolic through. 

A compassionate woman will teach her children the best way to win a fight is to walk away from violence.

A woman who has a heart of gold will not give a homeless man money. She will give them a homemade meal. Providing words of comfort to them as she hands them the meal.

A woman who has lost a child will feel comfort from a woman of love because even though her children are alive she can imagine the horror if one of them had died. Her heart cries out to God for the one who has lost her child to death, pleading for him to embrace her friend. 

I have spent way too many moments on my outward beauty and have spent far too few on my inner beauty. I believe that I am a compassionate and loving woman but I have done far too little to change the world and far too much to make myself beautiful. 

The beauty of a woman is revealed in the kindness of her heart, the love she has for others and how she expresses that love to those who are searching for love. True beauty really has nothing to do with Botox or bling.