THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES AND FEAR

I must confess I have gotten back into the internet dating scene a bit lately. I know I said I wasn’t going to but I needed to transform this blog to a different web hosting and I needed to contact the friend who initially set it up for me.

I met him on a dating site but lost his contact info when I lost my iphone so I got back onto the site to try and contact him.

Well once I got on one site it kind of grew to two other sites. (Sheesh sounds like an addiction doesn’t it?)

So recently this dashing man contacted me on one of the sites and I found out he went to my church. Then I found out he was actually in the ministry in my church. That is like a major home run in my game of life.

When I talked with him he was authentic in his connection with God and I will tell you more about him as I get to know him.

One of the first things he did was ask me to take Gary Chapman’s five love languages test. I gave him opposition to this. I don’t think that the five love languages are biblically based. He continued on and I continued to give opposition.

I have a hard time with some  Christian leaders who make money off of their ideas and sell it to the Christian public who buy it because they think it is stemming from the Bible. This man actually said that the five languages was based on Biblical truth.

My problem with five love languages is that I serve a God who is perfect in His love for me. He is not boxed in by categories and if I want to love someone through Him I sure as heck don’t want to be loving in a human category way. I want to love like God does.

Nonetheless I took the test in the evening just for jokes and found out what I already knew. Words of affirmation was my highest score. I could have told you that without taking the stupid test. Everything else was pretty close as far as my test scores in the other four categories. Big whoopee.

So I texted him my results and his reply was, “Oh, no.”

“Oh, great,” I thought. “Now he is afraid.”

I asked him why he responded that way and he said his strength was physical touch.

This angered me because now I have to work through fear to get to the point where I can love this Christian brother as God wants me to.

In 1 John 4:18 the Bible says ” There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”

In Proverbs it also says that no one should add to the Bible or take away and if they do they are a liar.

For the record if anyone can tell me where the heck the five love languages are listed in the Bible I am all ears.

I would caution anyone who is led to this blog to appreciate and learn things from other Christians but to worship or teach anything other than the Word of God in church is just wrong.

There is to be no other teacher in our lives but Christ. Matthew 23:8-12 puts the Christian leaders and teachers  into a Biblical perspective.

As author of this blog I too may be tempted to consider myself a teacher. I am not. I share what God has done in my life and the wisdom He has bestowed on me but I am equal to each and every one of you, my readers. I am your Sister in Christ and if I want to be anything more I must be your servant first according to scripture.

PS – You may want to say a prayer for the man I mentioned in this blog post. He is going to take me out for dinner tonight.(lol) He is a man of God but I don’t think He has ever met a woman of God like me. I speak with the sword of truth and slaughter deceit and lies on a daily basis.

 

6 thoughts on “THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES AND FEAR

  1. I wouldn’t be too put off by his wanting you to take the Love Languages test. I think he just wants to know if your personalities will be compatible. Although, I am not sure why he said, “Oh no”.

    • Thank you for your input into this story but I have already kicked him to the curb. He had a critical spirit not a prophetic spirit and I don’t tolerate that in my life. That is a very nasty deceptive spirit that has “control freak” written across it’s forhead.

  2. Hi there, Gracie!

    Whether or not he is the man God wants for you, you will find out soon enough.

    I wouldn’t be too put off by his wanting you to take the Love Languages test. I think he just wants to know if your personalities will be compatible. Although, I am not sure why he said, “Oh no”. The whole purpose of the book is to know your partner’s or potential partner’s preferences so you can love them in a way that matters to them.

    Some personality tests are rather good at helping you find a match. I like the Five Love Languages, if it’s applied properly, and I also like the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. I wish I could be more like you and practice unconditional love. Maybe it’s because of my past, but I definitely prefer certain things over others in a relationship, such as the ability to communicate fairly. If I feel that I’m being treated unfairly in that aspect, I become angry. Guess I still have a long way to go…

    Regarding Myers Briggs, I’m an INFJ, which is shared with only 2% of the world’s population. That, combined with being an abuse survivor, has made me a bit picky about the way I am treated. One thing is for sure, I know I will no longer perform a three-ring circus to gain someone else’s validation. Does that make me wrong? I’m not saying I won’t make sacrifices in a relationship, but if I have to work too hard at earning someone’s approval, I cut them off…

    Anyhow, I love what you are doing with your blog, and I’m also happy for the progress you’ve made and your path with God. I will keep you in my thoughts 🙂

    Warmly,

    Kim S.

    • Thank you so much for your input. Your blog is one of the few that I read on a regular basis and has helped me to not return to a man who was a very good narcissist. The problem with me is that because I am good and compassionate I always try to see the best in others and fail to see the evil that is many times hidden. It was a shame that during the 4.5 years when I dated the narcissist I hardly wrote at all because he demanded so much attention. He is still begging to get back with me and says that God has changed him. Well I am happy for him if God has changed him but I still don’t want him back. I love the taste of freedom and escaping from the selfish cage of a narcissist was one of the best things I did.
      I have a narcissistic mother so I was game for him. It is important for me to keep learning about this so I do not replay the dynamics of my childhood. Thanks again for your blog it has encouraged, enlightened and empowered me to be a stronger woman.

  3. Oh Gracie, I hope it worked out OK tonight, meaning I hope he is OK. ( you said say a prayer for him) Did he really try to sell you that the 5 languages of love were biblically based. I read the Bible 5 times front to back before I got out of high school and 10 more times after that and I don’t remember seeing that.

    I am hesitant to write freely because you may have alerted him to your blog but what the heck. I hope he was a nice guy. I don’t have to take the test but I can tell you where my strength is, and that is in intimate heart love. I freakin crave it. First felt it in 6th grade with a girl named Melisa. Never kissed her, will never forget the feeling.

    There is a lot I would like to address in this post, but the main thing that gives me pause and concern is paragraph 6 in your post. He asked for something from you. You gently resisted. He pushed harder. You resisted. Apparently somewhere down the line you gave in and did as he asked. Boundaries Gracie. Hey, I have the same problem.

    • Yes, I need continual prayer. We had a good time and he appears to be a man of God. I don’t know if he is the one who God has meant for me to be with though. Several people have said that it is up to me to choose the man whom I will marry. I think considering my horrible choice in my first marriage which hurt my ex and me both that I need and crave God’s guidance in this arena. I can do nothing on my own. I want to thank you for your daily comments on my blog. The comments you make have been so encouraging to me. So thank you and please have a blessed day.

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