There are times that I feel the incessant knocking at the door of my heart by that vile enemy, depression. I have struggled with this for many years. It is rare that my life is without difficulties. There is always something which vexes my heart and soul.
The other day I opened the door to the enemy. This is a frequent issue for me. I continue to have thoughts which are very self defeating. I let depression wreak havoc in my brain.
I finally asked God if He could help me with this. It is amazing how many thoughts traverse through my mind which are negative. If anyone else said these thoughts to me, I would walk away and choose not to engage that person again. Yet, every day I struggle to be kind to myself. To be accepting of my weaknesses. To gently encourage myself as I encourage others.
The other day I was in quite a mess, thinking I did not have enough friends. Depression started to trash the recent memories of good times I had had with my friends.
Then I met an angel at Jason’s Deli. She was a remarkably beautiful woman. I tried not to stare, but I did compliment her on her attractiveness. She immediately said she was broken hearted. She started telling me a bit about her life and I asked if I could sit with her.
She opened up and told me that she was estranged from her daughter. She had recently discovered that her boyfriend who she hoped to marry was engaged in an immoral affair. She had had a good husband, but he had passed away during a time when they were separated. She was currently unemployed and was about to receive her last unemployment check. Yet, she was still praying and seeking God.
I felt as if reality slapped me in my face. I had so much to be thankful for. I do have friends. I have a lovely relationship with my daughter. I continue to work at a terrific company. Although I do not make much money I love my job and my coworkers. I have a terrific boyfriend who spoils me rotten and I have a God who I absolutely adore.
In the Bible in 2 Corinthians 10:5 it talks about making every thought captive to Christ. I am struggling to accomplish this, but I don’t think that self defeating thoughts are ones which glorify God. So every time a depressive thought comes to my mind, I need to not open the door to the devil of Depression. I would like to be able to quote a verse which I have committed to memory. For when Jesus was tempted by the devil he used the Word of God to win that war.
Is there anyone else who struggles with thought control? Do you feel that this is something which leads to depression? What ideas have you come up with which have assisted you in becoming kind to yourself? Or do you allow the devil of Depression to wreak havoc in your brain also?