CHANGING MY “CRAZY”

Through the grace of God, I have attained a very successful career as a home health nurse. I have also raised three children with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. These three children are all in college or have recently graduated and they are all working. God provided for my needs while raising my children, to the extent that I never took one penny from the government to assist in their care. The Lord gave me wisdom and strength not to align myself with a man who would verbally or physically abuse me. I am still a single mother 20 years after I separated and divorced my children’s father. I have had men who begged me to marry them, but I chose not to, because I did not see it as a move which would  draw me or my children closer to God.

Basically, God has put me together fairly well.

Yet when my air conditioner breaks down in the middle of the Texas summer I have the tendency to go “CRAZY.”  I do this on a normal basis when there is something presented to me which I have no mastery over.

My “Crazy” usually involves copious amounts of tears, going into the “victim” room of my heart and screaming at God.

It is a horrible thing to play the victim role. It strips you of all strength and ties your heart and mind up with ropes of helplessness. Of all roles in my life which I have played, the victim role is the one which I detest.

At times I will dissolve into a puddle of profanity also. Which there is really no excuse for.

Yet God does not protect me from these things which force me into the victim role. I wonder why not?

A couple of days ago, my daughter crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night saying in a sleepy voice. “The air conditioner upstairs has stopped working and it is too hot to sleep upstairs.”

This has become a summertime tradition in my home, but it usually does not happen until Independence Day in the blazing July sun.

I immediately started sprinting for my “victim” room. I told my daughter it seemed as if we were the only ones on the face of the earth which had continual air conditioning problems.

She said, “No, I have heard that a lot of people have air conditioning problems,” and rolled over to go back to sleep.

Wait a minute. I had to stop in my sprint. You mean others have air conditioning problems too?

Yeppers.

Probably not as much as me, but I am kind of “special” in that department I guess.

So instead of bursting through the door of my “victim” room, I stopped in my tracks, turned around and walked boldly into the arms of my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I climbed on his lap and snuggled in his embrace and said,”I got air conditioning problems again. Could you please help me to walk through this without going “CRAZY’?”

Somehow the intimacy I feel with Jesus helped calm my CRAZY down. I have a home warranty company who paid for some of the cost and was out less than $200.00. My upstairs is now cool.

When I thought about my “CRAZY” self, I considered how Jesus must have felt when he left heaven and humbled himself to become a servant to us. To leave heaven and come to earth knowing that he would be crucified would have been sufficient reason to go all out “CRAZY” in my book. To have befriended twelve men who each betrayed him at his greatest hour of need would have locked me in my “victim” room with no hope for release.

The strength and power of Jesus, in addition to His love and humility, makes my “CRAZY” seem idiotic.

Yet when I drew near to him and asked him to help me with my air conditioning issue I felt such love.

It’s like I felt Him say, “Ahh, so you have air conditioning problems again, sweet Child of God? Why don’t you grasp my hand and let me walk you through this so that the devil doesn’t force you to go “CRAZY”.”

I love my Jesus so very, very much and I praise Him for all that He has done for me. Considering He helped create the world, conquered death and sits at the right hand of God, I don’t think he should even care about my “CRAZY.” Yet, I feel as if he cares more than anyone. What a love He is.

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