STRETCHED TOO THIN

There are times in life that I have been stretched too thin and like a rubber band I am capable of breaking.
I have blogged about the issues I have had with my collar bone. Due to a surgeon’s negligence I have had to take a month off work, had to endure severe pain and today I received a bill for over $2,500 for an ER visit which was a total waste of my time.

I don’t have the money to pay this bill. I am now going to contact an attorney and file a malpractice suit against the surgeon, ER and Radiology company.

I didn’t want to do this. I asked the hospital to comp the ER bill due to their negligence and if they had done so I was going to let this slide. Unfortunately they did not do so. I have no other choice but to file a lawsuit.

In addition to this crisis, I got a threatening call today from Capital Collections which said I had not paid their bill in 2015 even though I did not receive any paper bills from the company they were representing. They went on to say that if I didn’t pay them close to $450 they would send the charges to the credit bureau and it would be $900.00. I asked for the woman’s name and told her I needed it for when I was going to my attorney to file a lawsuit against them. She said that she was going to disconnect the call and send the info to the credit bureau.

I broke down for a moment and then called the credit bureau myself and they said this was a scam.

I would like to request prayers from those who are led to pray for me. It is very difficult to be a single woman and have to fight every single fight myself.

MY COLLAR BONE PROBLEMS

On Monday of this week I went to another surgeon regarding my collar bone. I had broken my right collar bone in the summer of 2013. I had a successful surgery and it was painless for four years. This last year it started hurting so I thought it may be time to take the metal and screws out.

I did that on December 20th of this year and it has been one problem after another since that surgery. Somehow I sustained another fracture and a possible infection.

My original surgeon dismissed my claims of having an infection and it took him close to a month to discover that I had a significant fracture again, in the right collar bone.

On Monday I went to another surgeon for a second opinion. He said that I probably had infection and that is why the bone was not healing. He suggested I have a bone scan. Then there may be another surgery in the future for me. I left his office in tears.

I do not have disability insurance and I do not have a savings account. I have had to stop working for the past month due to this injury. I am concerned about how my finances are going to fare throughout this challenge.

I look at my beautiful left collar bone and then see the clumpy mess that my initial surgeon has made out of my right collar bone and the tendency is to become depressed.

Yet, I would have never started this blog without the initial fracture. I was intending to return to nursing when that happened and my doctor said,”the only thing you can do is type with your right arm, nothing else.” So I began this blog.

Just a couple of days ago, after the second injury to this fragile bone, I finished my novel. I am working on formatting now and should have it released within the year. If this second mess hadn’t happened I would not be that far along. It took me eight years to write the first 430 pages of the book and I wrote close to 100 pages in one month to finish it. The funny thing about that is during this past month I was ordered to be on work “release.” Yet I accomplished more for God in one month on work release than I had the eight years prior.

When I feel the clumpy mess that my right collar bone is, I think of how messed up sin has made my life. Then I look at my beautiful left collar bone and I realize that God sees me like that collar bone. Perfect, with the blood of His Son covering my sins…

UNDERSTANDING

Sometimes God gives you unexpected grace in the middle of pain. Occasionally this grace can come in the form of understanding.

Quite a few years ago I became a walker. I would walk throughout my neighborhood on the lovely paths which wind through the meadows and creek. I would ask my boyfriend to walk with me and he would rarely do it. He said his feet hurt too bad. I told him to take probiotic. After quite a few months of ceaseless nagging on my part he took them. His pain in his feet disappeared.

Then my feet started hurting and boy did they hurt. I was diagnosed with Plantar Fascitis and soon I went from walking 3-5 miles daily to hardly being able to walk at all. I took probiotic and went to several different doctors but rest was the only thing which relieved the pain. I also started taking pain medication for the first time in my life.

A couple of years ago my boyfriend had a rotator cuff surgery. At that time we were not seeing each other. That poor guy had to suffer through the rehab of a very painful surgery all by himself. I don’t know how he did it but he survived. Thank God!

Recently when I suffered another collar-bone fracture I was in horrendous pain. My boyfriend was the one who came and took care of me. I couldn’t have asked for a kinder and more compassionate caregiver. He was the best.

One of the reasons why I think he was so good was because he had suffered through the rotator cuff surgery and knew how horrible that pain had been.

When I think of Christ coming to earth I know the primary reason He came was to die for our sins. Yet, I think there may be more. He was tempted as a human and has understanding for what we go through in life. That may be why the God of the New Testament is so full of mercy and grace.

Thank you Jesus! Lord knows I need that!

THE HELMET OF SALVATION

I had the privilege of speaking at a woman’s conference yesterday. The Focus on Wellness summit yesterday was a delightful gathering of women from different pathways. These women came together to encourage one another in areas of health, fitness, beauty, spiritual growth and surviving diseases such as cancer.

I am currently at the point of completion in my novel. Since this book is a fictional account of a woman’s spiritual battle between God and the devil, I chose to speak on the Helmet of Salvation.

The helmet of salvation is one of the pieces of armor listed in the Armor of God. You can find this battle wear in Ephesians 4:14-18. It is sometimes difficult to decipher the symbolism of the Bible but I would imagine that the helmet of salvation is something which should protect our mind.

Yet the Bible goes further than that. It specifically states in 1 Corinthians 10:5b That we are to make “every thought captive to Christ.”

So how do you do that? I think it we should examine how Christ thought.

The first characteristic I would assign to his thinking is that of humility.

In Philippians 2:6-8 The Bible talks about Christ’s humility, (6)”Who in the very nature, God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;(7) rather he made himself nothing, by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.(8) And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death-even death on a cross.”

Jesus was God incarnate. He could have demanded to be born in a palace or at the very least a castle. Yet, he was born in a stinky, dirty manger among animals.

When he started his ministry at thirty years old, He was constantly giving to others: healing their diseases, feeding them as they listened to Him and even raising a few from the dead. There were times He struggled to get away and the crowds would follow Him because they wanted more of Him.

He kept giving to people who were unable to give back. But it was more than that. These were people who also crucified Him.

I remember reading the publication I receive from The Voice of the Martyrs. In one issue they said the next issue was going to cover what Christians were doing in Sudan to fight the Muslims which were killing them.

I eagerly awaited that issue. It was about time someone started fighting those Muslims. When I read that issue I was surprised at how they fought back. The Christians which were getting murdered by Muslims shared their food with Muslims if they knew the Muslims were hungry. Kindness and generosity was their defense.

I truly think that those Sudanese Christians have the mind of Christ. I may need to work on my line of thinking though. Just saying…

GRATITUDE

As I reflect upon the past month that I have been on work release, I have come to the realization that my primary feeling regarding this trying time is gratitude.

I have been able to reunite with my boyfriend. I am approaching the completion of my novel. I began attending a Bible Study group in my neighborhood. It is this act of being involved with a group of women which caused another miracle in my life. I asked them to pray that God would put wonderful people in my path so that I could bring this novel to publication without using any kind of publishing company.

Last Saturday I noticed I had some notifications on Linked In. I actually had a message. Most of the messages on Linked In are from people who want to advertise on my blog. God didn’t want that, so I was not successful at it. This message was different.

It was from a woman who had an woman’s empowerment movement. Her mantra was “We Can Do It.” I was hesitant to contact her because I am concerned about the way feminism is evolving. So I checked out her profile. I immediately contacted her when I read what she was all about.

She was about being empowered through the connection with the Holy Spirit to become a light for God in the world.

I met with her on Monday. The meeting started at 1 pm and lasted five hours. With most people that would have been a long time but with her it was like fifteen minutes.

I told her about my novel. She is a media genius and will help me get my novel published.

One of my concerns with self publication was how do I get on the speaking circuit if I don’t have a publisher promoting me? She has monthly meetings for women. I have the privilege of presenting a topic related to my novel next Saturday.

I don’t even have my book out yet and I am already speaking on the wisdom God has given me for it. I am just so totally amazed at how this all transpired I can barely sit still.

The interesting aspect of this is that if I would have been working I would not have noticed the message. That speaks volumes on how grateful I am for this broken collar bone.

For those of you who pray, please pray that God will give me wisdom for this meeting. I also need time and discipline to use my time wisely. But most of all thank God for this amazing opportunity to minister to other women. So excited!

THE DIFFICULTY OF BEING ADD

The difficulty of being ADD is that we are never in the present moment. We are most commonly thinking about the next project that we have on our list of 1,000 projects.

Last weekend when my sweet man of God took me to Target, I had made sure that the receipt was in the bag for the items I was to return. Yet that stinking receipt somehow slipped out of the bag and onto the floor of my home before I got the bag into the car.

My sweet man of God had said he didn’t see the receipt in the bag. I could tell he was a bit perturbed at the wild goose chase we went on. He didn’t say a word to me about it. He didn’t chide me, make a sarcastic comment to me or degrade me in any way.

I could feel his anger simmering though. When we got back to the car he decided that he was going to stack the take home boxes from an earlier dinner in a more concise manner. He started cussing those boxes out like nobodies business. He called them every word other than a proper English term.

I started giggling. I just couldn’t stop giggling. When he got back into the front seat of the car he asked, “Were you giggling about those boxes?”

I nodded “yes” because I was laughing too hard to speak.

He just smiled.

I have thought about how he handled me on that day and I marvel at his restraint. He had every reason to tear me apart but he has said that my ADD is part of me and he loves all of me.

I am so thankful for him and his patience with me. I kind of doubt that those take home boxes are too thrilled with him though. lol

ADOPTING A SON

My pastor and his wife were beaming when they told the church about adopting their son. I was over the moon with excitement. They were actually at the hospital when the natural mother gave birth. I quickly bought some clothes for the baby shower. Couldn’t wait to see the little guy.

Then right before Christmas the tide changed. The natural father had petitioned the court for custody of the baby. I got sick when I heard that and had to leave church. I am still bruised from the custody battle I endured several years ago.

Soon after that, I had horrific pain in my right collar-bone area and couldn’t attend church on a frequent basis due to a fracture in my collar-bone. Yesterday I was able to return to church. My, how I had missed it. During the sermon the pastor made reference to praying over his son while holding the precious one in his arms.

I asked him what had happened with the custody battle? He said the natural father had not yet responded. He had only six business days left to respond correctly. If the natural father did not do so, then the pastor and his wife would have full custody of the child.

I was so thankful.

Then I thought about those baby clothes I had purchased. On Saturday I had asked my boyfriend to take me to Target because I thought I needed to get my money back for the clothes. I was under the impression that my pastor and his wife had to give the baby back to the father. So we drove to Target, got there and I did not have my receipt. I knew I had that receipt in the bag. I just knew it but it wasn’t there anymore. So I asked the cashier if there was any other way I could get my money back. He said, “Sure there is, if you have an ID.”

I looked in my purse. NO ID! Nope! I had left that in my car after doing some banking. Blast it. So I said I could come back and do it a different time.

Then on Sunday I got the news that I may be able to give the baby the clothes after all. I just thought it was so sweet that a heavenly Father would be so concerned about this little child that he would even stop the return of some clothes bought for him.

God is so great that he is paying attention to every detail regarding this child.

WORSHIP

I have recently joined a group of select women in my neighborhood for one purpose. This purpose is to study the Bible and worship God. They are so wonderfully devoted to the cause, it is a delight for me to meet with them on a Monday night.

The only sadness to this is, that I must now abandon my former Bible Study group. They also met on Mondays. I will check back with them periodically, as the Spirit of God leads, but I believe this woman’s group is God’s will for my life.

Initially it was presented to me as a prayer group. I would characterize it as a sharing group and then a praying group. We are currently studying The War Room and will be watching that wonderful movie this evening. So there is a medley of wonderful acts of worship we partake in.

After the first meeting I was led by God to buy small notebooks for the ladies. I wanted to use these as prayer journals. That way we wouldn’t forget to pray for each other and we could keep track of how God answered.

Then I saw a post on Facebook and my goal for the prayer journal changed. The post is as follows…

I DREAMED I WENT TO HEAVEN

I dreamed that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, ‘This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received.’
I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.
Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.
The angel then said to me, ‘This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them. ‘I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.
Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. ‘This is the Acknowledgment Section,’ my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed ‘How is it that there is no work going on here?’ I asked.
‘So sad,’ the angel sighed. ‘After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments .’
‘How does one acknowledge God’s blessings?’ I asked.
‘Simple,’ the angel answered. Just say, ‘Thank you, Lord.’
‘What blessings should they acknowledge?’ I asked.
‘If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world’s wealthy .’
‘And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity.’
‘If you woke up this morning with more health than illness … you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day .’
‘If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation … you are ahead of 700 million people in the world.’
‘If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world! .’
‘If your parents are still alive and still married …you are very rare .’
‘If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you’re unique to all those in doubt and despair.’
Ok, what now? How can I start?
If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.
Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you want, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.
ATTN:
Acknowledge Dept.: ‘Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with.
My goal transformed from a journal devoted to petitions to one which could be a source of gratitude. I believe that may be the beginning of true worship for a God who is greater than anything I could conceive.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT?

My dear sweet boyfriend and I are about as opposite as they come. They say opposites attract, but do they?

He is a tad bit shorter than I and has a broad frame. I am tall and slender.

He is Japanese and German in heritage. I am Russian and German.

He gets frustrated with deep cleaning. I love to deep clean but can not for the life of me figure out how to organize a closet after taking everything out. He is a whiz at organizing. In fact yesterday with his help we reorganized and cleaned a hall closet in about an hour or two. It would have taken me a week by myself.

He is always early and I am habitually late. However, when he has set up a lovely evening for us and states a specific time for me to be ready, I do not disrespect him. In those instances I am right on the money and I am ready and waiting for him.

He lives in Dallas and I live in Fort Worth. That is like the difference between night and day. For some reason, most people who live in Fort Worth tend to want to projectile vomit at the mere thought of moving to Dallas.

He has worked for Citibank for a long time. He is the Vice President of IT. He is kind enough to share with me some of the programming he does. To hear him talk of the wonders he does with the programming puts my mind into a total panic. I have no idea how he figures it all out with such a calm and pleasant demeanor. His job includes working with offshore people who can barely speak the language. He has such patience.

I am by nature very impatient with people. If I ask them to do something I expect them to do it perfectly on the first run. If they don’t do so I am furious, especially if it puts my patients at risk. My current company has been so good to have tempered that fury. I am so grateful to them for this. Yet he persists through so much more incompetence at his job that it truly amazes me.

He loves the Beatles and Elton John. I think the Beatles are tinny sounding and Elton John has never given my heart any reason to beat faster. I prefer Jazz and Classical. I also like alternative Rock and Techno music. We both like the Sinatra era so many times that is our compromise.

I am someone who has been adamant about being physically active. He has a sedentary job and struggles to find time to run and work out. I encourage him in this area because I want him to be healthy and live a long and productive life.

He can lose five lbs with one day of yard work. I can’t lose even one pound if I walk ten miles, do yard work and swim a mile. It is very difficult for me to maintain a healthy weight. We both struggle with that though so we encourage each other in this challenge.

He is shy, I am outgoing. I usually am a nervous wreck when thrown into group settings. I always think I am the most boring of individuals. I become very nervous and commonly try to fade into the woodwork if thrown into a situation where there is more than one to talk to.

Yet, if I take him to events such as these, he comments on how wonderfully I managed to interact with so many people. I look at him as if he is crazy, thinking “If you only knew how nervous I was and how unsure of myself I am, you wouldn’t be saying I managed anything well.” Yet, due to his kindness and loving comments I have become more confident.

Likewise, if we are in a group setting; I occasionally mingle with men, turn the conversation to something I know he likes to talk about, invite him into the conversation, then slyly slip away to talk with the women. This helps him overcome his initial shyness.

He has this insane idea that he is boring. Believe me, if he was boring, I wouldn’t be talking with him. I am boring enough by myself, I can assure you of that.

The wonderful thing about our relationship is that we have so much admiration for the opposite qualities in each other. We really compliment each other well.

My ex husband and I were quite opposite but I felt inferior to him because he had disdain for things which were not like him. He is now married to someone who is very similar to him and I do believe they are a wonderful match.

I think opposites can attract if each person embraces each others individuality but if you can not do that, then I think you should marry someone more like yourself.

As it is, I am so thankful for the strengths that I see in my boyfriend, they are some of my weakest areas. I am also thankful that he is so complimenting of the strengths I have.

The most important thing we share is our love of God and our devotion to Him. Without this, similarities or opposites would not even matter.

ORGANIC

I finally have what I have been searching for. It is something I have tasted with great relish in various times in my life. I have gone to church to find it and it has been elusive. I have tried hard to start my own and I was exhausted by the effort. Just recently, in a very organic fashion, I found it. It was a collection of Christian sisters who are committed to following God and meeting weekly for a Bible study.

Why do I need this so desperately? I have a three wonderful children, a boyfriend who simply adores me, a career which sustains me and challenges me, a beautiful house in the burbs, enough money to pay my bills. Why on earth was I so lonely?

I didn’t have enough sisters in Christ.

This is something I have been yearning for all of my life. It came about in the most unexpected fashion…

I saw a posting on a Neighborhood app where a woman over 50 asked if there were others in the neighborhood who wanted to meet for dinner and drinks. Soon there was a collection of people who got together to meet for dinner and drinks. It was NOT a dating group. Just a group of singles who were lonely like I was.

The relationship with my boyfriend was getting rocky again. I had no intention of being disloyal to him but I also had no intention of becoming isolated. He has plenty of friends.

I continue to always feel as if I need more.

So I went and it was at the Christmas party I believe when I heard of a split off group.

This group was a collection of women who got together to pray and study the Bible. I wanted to be involved. It was an organic group. Many of us went to different churches but our love for the Lord was evident.

Currently we are studying The War Room and learning truths from that excellent movie. I have shared with them my passion for Christian writing. Last night I shared by blog business cards with them. I don’t know if they will read my blog or not but it is up to God to lead people to my blog. My blog audience has grown entirely by an organic nature.

This group has been supportive of the testimony which I have shared with them as I have also shared my testimony which each one of you who reads my blog.

Last night I was being driven home by one of the girls, since I still can not drive due to my broken collar bone. She shared with me the struggles she was going through, trying to maintain her sexual purity. She said she was not going to attend single’s groups anymore where dating or hook ups were the focus. These were actually Christian groups. She was going to give it to God and allow it to become organic through God.

I supported her in this. I think organic is such a wonderful way to let go and let God have His way in our lives.