I have been perplexed as to why I should fear God. This is is mentioned 144 times throughout the Bible so I imagine God thinks it is pretty important.
First off, let me get something straight with my audience.
I am a sinner. Sometimes when I reflect on all my sins I don’t know how God puts up with me at all. I mean I knew better. It’s not like I haven’t gone to church most of my life. It is not like I don’t read the Bible. It is not like I don’t occasionally hear from God. It is like I am a dirty, filthy, rotten mess of sin some days.
So if you think I am righteous, let me burst that bubble right from the get go.
Yet, God is so close to me that I rarely hear him talk anymore. At this point we are so intimate that I know His thoughts when I seek Him. When He draws near to me and infuses me with his rational, it is so pure and honest, I am filled with a sense of peace.
Then why do I need to fear Him?
God has given me an example of the fear He desires in our relationship.
The example is the feeling I feel towards my boyfriend. This man is a man of God and we have been dating for close to ten years.
During the first half of the relationship he was anything but a man of God. I was not a true woman of God either.
So we fought a lot. There were so many break ups and getting back together again, our relationship was like a see saw.
I broke up with him for good after dating him for close to five years. Then after a year and a half I was put into a desperate situation and I knew that he was the only one who could help me. So we got back together for six months and I saw a few changes but he was still way too insecure so I walked away again.
Then he asked me for one last try. I agreed, thinking this was a good way to get rid of him. Except something changed. I started seeing the changes that Jesus had made in him. I started loving him and I became uneasy. I was scared I was going to lose him.
So I changed how I treated him.
I now thank God for every little kindness he shows me. I am careful how I address him because somehow I started to respect him. I ask him to tell me about the things which he is interested in. (I know quite a bit about Iowa Hawkeyes now. That in itself is a mini miracle. lol) I am concerned that he is having a good time on our dates.
The fear I have about him is not that he will go to another woman. He has told me that I am the love of his life and I believe that. The fear is that I will not honor the remnants of Jesus that I see in him. I have realized that as he has drawn close to God, he has become more like God. This has made him so much more lovable. In the same sense he has also pulled such deep respect from my inner core that I treat him with gentleness now. I have a healthy dose of fear that I may lose him if I act a fool. That fear has fed my love for him.
I realize that my love for God is immature without fear.
To cuss like a sailor is not treating God with respect. I have become more aware of what I watch on television and listen to on the radio. I try not to watch or listen to things which cause separation between God and I. I crave the Word of God and use it as a guiding light to my journey through this life.
I know and believe that the blood of Jesus covers all my sins but I fear God enough to desire my sins to become fewer and fewer as I mature in Him. The fear that I have for God feeds my love for Him just as the fear that I have for my boyfriend nurtures the love I have for him.