I was reading in the Bible the other day about Lot’s wife. The lady was such a numbskull that she didn’t even listen to angels.

When Sodom and Gomorrah were being burned to the ground she could not resist looking back and as a result became a pillar of salt.

I wonder sometimes if the angels had not mentioned to her that she shouldn’t look back if she would have been so tempted.

Isn’t it that which we can not have which tempts us more than that which we can have?

More so than that, how many of us turn completely away from our sin when we confess it?

Do we think about it still? Do we fantasize about the sinful pleasure even though we are running away from it? Do we look back longing for it as if we wished it was not in our past anymore and instead fully in our present?

Or do we stay stuck in the mud of shame, wondering how we could have ever done that despicable thing which at one time so enslaved us?

I think Christians may have a tendency to do all of these things. We many times look back on our sin with a kind of lustful longing or get caught in the stranglehold of self condemnation.

This hinders God’s Spirit within us. In the new testament Jesus says he is the vine and we are the branches but that is only if we choose not to become a pillar of salt.


For a heart which is protected and guarded stop attacks coming in but it also renders love flowing out an incapable act.


Rome was not built in a day but I am sure if I had been in charge it would have been. You see I think that if a good thing is to happen it had better happen quickly and succinctly and if it doesn’t I become mad.

Most of you know that I have reconnected with a boyfriend I chose to walk away from for over 1.5 years.

He had spent the time away from me seeking God. God met him and told him to forgive me.

When I first met him after our time apart I could not believe the change in him. He seemed self assured and confident. We laughed at all of the wonderful memories we had shared. Even the stupid fights we had.

Recently I detected his insecurity again and I became very angry. I was not only angry at him but also at God. “I thought You changed him, then why is he still insecure?” I screamed out at God.

I wanted to run again. I felt caged in by his love and I doubted my ability to wash the insecurity from his soul. I was frustrated and angry.

I discussed my feelings with my dear friend, Erica, who knows my boyfriend and who is a friend to both of us. She did not take sides which is why I love her so much. She merely said I needed to set limits.

I also confided in my mother. She said the same thing. I am so thankful for these two wise women.

Then I prayed and prayed about it, focusing on our next weekend together, wondering if the problem would appear again.

The problem revolved around the time I am spending on this blog. I am developing something for this blog which is extremely time intensive and unlike Rome I can not build it in a day.

Unfortunately I misled my boyfriend this weekend, after spending all of Sunday with him. When we got home I led him to believe that he could stay longer in the evening than what I was planning on.

After cleaning up from the lake day we had I was then ready to get back to work. I wasn’t nice about it either.

He was hurt and his insecurity became apparent again.

This drives me crazy because this man is so handsome, so intelligent and so popular that to think that he has any insecurity at all is just like crazy.

I don’t know how to get rid of it but I think that I contribute to his insecurity by some of my actions and my behaviors. As I pray more about this relationship and continue to discuss these issues with him I realize how much I need to change.

He meanwhile has said many times he is the one who should change.

I suspect it may take both of us.

I feel so loved by him sometimes that it can be almost suffocating. I am not used to love like that. I think sometimes I don’t know how to accept love from others because it has been a foreign concept in my life. I didn’t feel loved as a child, I didn’t feel loved as a wife and there were times I have felt hated as a mother. (If you have teenagers you know all about that “hate Mom” stage)

As I struggle to accept him and the way he loves I have realized one thing.

I need to tear down the walls which have shielded my heart.

I have not done this for anyone ever.

Those walls have stopped monsters in the past. For if you don’t love or stop loving someone they fail to render access to your heart. They can try to hurt you but they will be unsuccessful because you really just don’t give a damn.

I have not even be tempted to lay waste to the walls before. They have protected me from others which chose to do evil.

So now I must do this, not so much for me, but for him.

I think the key to his insecurity lies not within him but within me. As long as the walls are standing he will never feel loved completely. For a heart which is protected and guarded stop attacks coming in but it also renders love flowing out an incapable act.

This will require constant communion with God. Relentless crying out to Him to show me what walls I do not need anymore and, in all reality, I may have never needed.

In the Bible it says we are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. I wonder if tearing down some of the walls which protect our hearts is a part of that process?


My daughter told me about this documentary, Blackfish, she said I should watch it. She said it was about Sea World and the whales.

I resisted at first because cruelty to animals is something I find very hard to stomach. I knew I would cry when I saw the movie, yet because my daughter found it upsetting I knew I would watch it eventually.

I watched it tonight on Netflix and I gained a different perspective on Sea World and Zoos.

First of all let me introduce you to the reality of an Orca whale in the wild.

Each family has its own language and their brains are much more developed than the brain of a human.

In the wild the mothers live to be one hundred years old and the males fifty to sixty years old.

They are much like humans with one exception.They have an additional part of the brain which is a superlimbic area of the brain. The limbic area of the brain is what handles emotions.

Because they have this part of the brain, which humans fail to have, they form attachments to their family which are for life. A child of an Orca mother never leaves the mother’s side.

Yet when a baby was born to a mother whale at Sea World they separated the baby from the mother after a period of years. The mother responded with trembling, shaking and screaming for the loss of her child.

People we have to stop thinking that we are the only species who matters. This is outrageous behavior. To discount the welfare of another species for our own stupid entertainment is horrific.

The Orca whales have injured or killed seventy trainers. They are killer whales.(What the hell does one expect from them?)

I only wish the owners of Sea World had been in the tank with them and not the trainers because the trainers actually adore these whales.

It is time that parents start to teach their children to respect and nurture animals. God created all of us and when He gave authority to us over other species He did so assuming we would not misuse our authority.

I took my children to Sea world when they were young. I will not take my grand children. I will never go there again. Neither will I advertise for them on my blog.

A child will not stray from the path that you consistently teach them. I have always taught my children to be kind to those who are disabled, to not look at others through the lens of race but rather through love and to always be compassionate to animals and nature.

As I said my daughter told me to watch this film. I can see my teaching has born precious fruit in this wonderful child.

If everyone would make a pledge to teach their children to love nature and animals this world would be a better place to live and I daresay Sea World would be empty and bankrupt and the whales would be returned to the ocean.

Please watch Blackfish and boycott any establishment or venue which so mistreats animals. Then take it one step further and educate your children on the value of animals and nature.

I do believe that God did not create animals for us to torture and misuse them but rather to enjoy and nurture them as we do our children.

A repost from http://infinitiesintransit.wordpress.com/

There are times I find brilliance amongst the blogging community. My reblog does not work. It reblogs to another site which is effectively disabled but still holds my domain manager. Since this is an issue which none of the wordpress gurus can seem to figure out when I find something to reblog I have to repost. As always I try to include a link and to the original site because there is nothing so nasty as stealing the written word from another writer. I have no mercy when it comes to copyright infringement.

This post is reposted from http://infinitiesintransit.wordpress.com/


Because all women have walked to their car in the dark, keys clutched tight in hand, one poking out between two fingers.

Because when I go out to bars or clubs, I have to think about whether what I’m wearing is too suggestive, instead of putting on whatever I please.

Because I feel the need to apologize when I’m not wearing makeup or my hair hasn’t been washed, or when I’m generally looking anything other than flawless.

Because there was nothing I could do about the man who touched me inappropriately in the middle of Gillette Stadium as I waited for my then-boyfriend to come out of the bathroom. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STADIUM.

Because there was also nothing I could do when a man touched me inappropriately in the middle of a crowded street, his arm around his girlfriend. Because retaliating in the way I wanted to would have let to assault charges and jail – for me, not for him.

Because my then-boyfriend laughed when two men came up to me in a bar, asking, “Can we just look at your girlfriend for a second?” as if I was his property, something to be admired, not even a human being with thoughts and feelings.

Because I have to worry about low-cut tops or too-short dresses that aren’t “work appropriate,” and men don’t.

Because at family get-togethers, women are asked about weddings or babies far more often than they’re asked about career goals or major life achievements.

Because “thigh gaps,” thinspo blogs, airbrushing, plastic surgery, tabloid magazines, porn, Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues and breastaurants.

Because “She’s someone’s sister, mother, daughter, aunt, cousin, wife, girlfriend, lover, friend,” isn’t the right answer. “She’s a human being” is.

Because we get asked, “Why not?” and told, “You’ll change your mind,” if we say we don’t want to have children.

Because getting cat-called at while walking down the street at 8 a.m. is not a rare occurrence.

Because women are taught how to avoid being assaulted or harassed, rather than men being taught how to treat others with respect.

Because my ex-boyfriend described me as “the only smart girl he’d ever met” – and that’s why he had decided to date me, instead of just sleeping with me and tossing me aside with the other girls. Because he was surprised that I am smart.

Because we say, “I’m sorry” before saying we’re not interested.

Because “I have a boyfriend” is more effective than “I’m not interested.”

Because we are taught to keep an eye on our drink so no one drugs it.

Because we are so often not taken seriously when we choose to speak out, so millions of sexual assaults go unreported.

Because “feminism” is a dirty word.

Because when a woman is in an abusive relationship, people ask, “Why did you stay with him?”

Because a woman’s right to choose whether or not to be a mother is debated in courtrooms across the country, but a man can walk away from fatherhood anytime he chooses.

Because a smile is not an invitation.

Because buying me a drink does not create an obligation for me to sleep with you, or even talk to you beyond a polite “Thank you.”

Because my “no” should not result in a murderous rampage.

Because every single woman you have ever met – yes, every single woman – has been sexually harassed or abused.

Because you are not entitled to my body. Because my worth has nothing to do with how much I am physically desired by men.

Because not all men harass, abuse and mistreat women – but because of the ones that do, we live in fear.

Because I was afraid of writing this.


shrinking as he tells you “you look like a fat pig in that dress.”

He watches everything you do, criticizing and demeaning you for not doing it well enough.

He drags you across the carpet, leaving rope burns on your arms and legs because you did not put the lid on the boiling pot on the stove. (It happened to boil over. Big deal!)

He yells at you for being sloppy but then expects you to clean up his beer cans and wipe out his ash trays after one of his many nights of excess.

His ears are deaf to your cries for mercy when his rage explodes into yet another beating.

You have come to my church with your pain and have been told to be submissive to this monster.

Do you really think that I would want you to submit to this?

Child, there is no way in heaven or earth that I would choose this for you. I have told you that your husband should treat you with the love which my Son has for you.

Instead of endangering your life by beating you, your husband should love you so deeply that he would give his life for you.


going to church every Sunday, raising your hands in praise to me. I see you studying your Bible, sharing my word with others and claiming you have my Son in your heart.

I see everything.

I see how you sneer at the homeless person on the street muttering, “get a job, loser.” That person who has wandered away from my embrace and found themselves in the street is the one I was hoping you would show my love to. My heart breaks over the loneliness that old man feels.

“He would probably only spend the money on alcohol,” you tell your wife as you disregard his pleading eyes. Yes, and you would spend that money on something better? Like you need a new pair of designer jeans to add to your collection? Really?

“Homeless people disgust me, they are always begging for food and they do absolutely nothing to deserve a hand out,” you continue as you make your way to your Mercedes.

I have a question for you, “Did you do anything to deserve the sacrifice of my son to wipe the arrogance that you portray daily from your record?”

“He probably deserves to be homeless.”

Did you deserve your mansion? I know you have worked hard, but how many others have you trampled on to get to the top of your career ladder? How many have you outright stolen from?

Furthermore I am the God of creation. Do you know how easy it would be to lift your home off of the ground with one tornado?

You go to church every Sunday and you praise me thinking that you have done something worthwhile by lifting your hands and singing praises. Yet you disregard those children of mine who are lost and lonely because they are beneath you.

How am I to receive your praises when my heart is breaking for that homeless man. Do you think I find him worthless as you have? He is the one my heart yearns for, not you. I find his pain beseeching and his loneliness heartbreaking. I feel every hunger pain that slices through his stomach lining.

It is the lost children that I have asked you to gather into my kingdom, yet you think that your pursuit of money and prestige is so much more important. I am at a loss as to how to get to you because your pride keeps slamming the door in my face.

You go to church every Sunday when my wish for you is to help those who are lost.

How will the lost ever know my Son if you do not show them them His love?


Alright when I saw the article about pornhub last night giving a donation to the Susan G Koman foundation it set me off. I am not finished with all of the warning bells it started ringing. I am about to unleash all of my fury on the porn industry for the effect it has had on men.

First of all, women are not sex objects. We are capable, intelligent and worthwhile human beings.

Second, you men who watch porn really need to examine why you do so. In the past year and a half when I was dating men I noticed one thing about the two men who admitted to me that they watched porn.

They did not know how to hold a conversation.

I was kind of taken with one of the men at first. He had a very handsome picture on the website that I met him on and he knew a lot about internet security.

I was taken with him until I talked with him on the phone. He sounded mentally challenged and went on and on about how he was still friends with all of his ex-girlfriends.

He told me they were all highly intelligent.

How did he know that?

Well, they had all been cocktail waitresses when he was a bar manager. I am sorry but that does NOT reveal a high IQ.

Although considering he sounded mentally challenged, in comparison they were probably a bit higher in IQ than he was.

I was tempted to tell him about some of my guy friends, some of the ones who are billionaires and millionaires and a para-olympic champion. I have a lot of wonderful guy friends but thank God none of them are bar tenders.

Anyhow he said he watched porn a lot. I could understand why. Why would any woman in their right mind want to date someone who could only talk about his ex-girlfriends the entire date? Yaaawwwnnn…

The other man was great on the first and second date but he was rude when I called him on the phone.

You see porn stars don’t bring up conversational topics that don’t interest you. In fact they don’t talk to you at all. If I was talking with this man about something that he had no interest in, he promptly told me so and then hung up.

My current boyfriend is always available to talk. We are constantly checking in with each other and talk for hours at a time most days. We talk about absolutely everything and even when we disagree we still keep talking.

I didn’t realize till yesterday how valuable it was to have a boyfriend who knows how to hold a conversation.

One interesting thing about him is that he doesn’t watch porn. He has a life and is highly intelligent. He listens to any topic that I consider worthy of conversation and engages in banter.

Do we have issues? Of course we do, I am not going to lie, but when we do have issues we both talk and more importantly we listen.

Try doing that with a porn star.

Bet you can’t!

Promotion for porn fights breast cancer?

This was the jest of a news item linked to Men’s health which encouraged men to watch pornhub to help fight breast cancer. Pornhub would be so kind as to give to the Susan G Koman foundation if men watched their slutty videos. Awww… isn’t that sweet?

First of all enough men watch porn already and that is a problem. They get the false impression that every woman is dying to be treated like a sex object.(We are not!)

Most men watch porn because they lack relationship skills and still want the benefit of a relationship. In other words they are social misfits.

If you are dating a guy who is successful, socially adept and a looker I can guarantee you that he doesn’t have time for porn. (I know because I have a boyfriend who does NOT watch porn and he is all of those things.)

Some of the men are married and their wives have lost interest.

I have a suggestion for you.

Sexual interest can start with a cup of coffee being brought to your wife in bed. Or how about you cleaning the house for a change this week and how do you think those clothes got washed? In my experience clothes do not get washed and ironed on their own.

Sexual desire really wanes if you are sitting on your arse, drinking your eighth beer, smoking cigarettes while sitting on the couch watching another stinking sports rerun.

But this article said that Porn hub would give one penny for every 30 videos watched. That is a lot of money…


Sheesh, so you have got to watch a semi-truck load of videos to make any kind of worthwhile donation.(3,000 videos for a $1.00 donation) That pretty much shucks the whole idea of working for a living out the wind.

But alas don’t get excited men, this promotion ran in October of 2012 and I guess they just reran the promotion because um… maybe… they are needing some more of the social misfits to watch porn again.

My suggestion to men who watch porn is to stop and get a life.

If you are single go out and meet women. We are not horrible neither are we sex objects meant entirely for your pleasure.

If you are married, love your wife.

Don’t ever think that those women who are porn stars are worth even a second of your valuable time because frankly they aren’t. They are just white trash and nasty.

You surely deserve better.

Late add: Just did some more research and the Koman foundation refused the donation from Pornhub, which reveals that they have some sense and class in this matter. Obviously Porn hub does not know the definition of class and/or sense.


I do not have the statistics for my blog on my home page because of certain reasons.

I think when you look at a blog and you look at the statistics on the side bar and see the hits being in the high numbers you automatically assume that it is a good blog. I don’t want the value of my blog to be analyzed by numbers, I want it to be analyzed by the effect it has on my audience.

Second, when I have looked at blogs which have very high numbers I have felt my own worth deflated. If my blog attracts other bloggers which are just starting out and struggling to gain traffic I do not want to deflate their hope when they see my numbers.

Third, I have no knowledge base as to how to get google ranked nor do I care about such things. I have gained traffic because I try to write good content and the increase in traffic is due to God, not me.

It is Him who has caused my numbers to go so high. I just merely write what is on my heart.

Saying this I am pleased to announce that as of today I have crossed the mark of exceeding 800,000 hits and my blog is just a baby, less than a year old.

My blog has also traveled into 75-80 different countries on a regular basis, far beyond what I could ever have imagined.

I want to welcome each and every person from every country and culture around the world. I simply adore people from other countries and nothing excites me more than to learn about your cultures and customs.

I want to especially give a shout out to Australia. You people are amazing! I have more people in Australia than I have in America who are reading me and I am hoping one day to be able to visit your enchanting country.

No matter how well written a blog is, it is worthless if it does not have an audience. My success is inexplicably linked to each and every one of you who take time out of your day to read my writings. I am humbled by the many who have subscribed and the large number who have read my work.

I appreciate and value each one of you and send you hugs and love from the bottom of my heart.

Glory to God and thankfulness to all of you for the success I have achieved.