I have recently become aware of a weakness within my character. I know that a few relationships and associations I have engaged in throughout my life I have done so without regard to my best interest. These relationships have caused me great harm. I have allowed the harm to spread throughout my life because I have thought that other people had the same evil intention. I have wrongly considered some very loving individuals to be guilty by association.
How does a person assume others are guilty by association?
Let me give you an example.
In a previous relationship that was supposed to be one based on love I felt nothing but neglect and disrespect. At the time I was involved with this man I was insecure and the insecurity only got worse throughout this relationship.
Love was not a word that could adequately describe this relationship. The dynamic of our relationship was not positive.
As a result a root of mistrust started growing in my heart.
There were many things that I learned during this relationship.
I learned that love is just a word and unless you feel loved by that person, it is worthless to hear them say, “I love you.”
I learned that when a man loves a woman he will protect her. If he is protecting someone else then he loves that person, not you.
I realized that some people love money and things more than they love people and it is important to know what you love before you choose who you love.
In a relationship which was supposed to be learning about love I failed to feel loved. Instead I learned how to spot deceit and became deceitful in my own actions and behavior.
I discovered that loyalty was a very precious gem which I hid deep within my heart. I have guarded that gem and only recently have realized how much effort it takes for a man to secure that gem.
I learned not to trust anyone.
There are times that mistrust is a wise decision but it can also be the choice of a fool.
In a past post I mentioned that I did not trust my son anymore. This broke his heart and we had a very deep and emotional talk about that post. I told him that I would edit that post and take that sentence out.
I have not done that yet because at that moment I did not trust him. In my blogging I am committed to raw honesty as most bloggers are.
I do need to set the record straight though on why I came to the point of mistrust with him.
In our conversation I realized I didn’t trust him because I assumed he was guilty by association. There are some people who have influence in his life which have not established a level of trust with me. I have caught them in too many lies.
So because I considered him guilty by association I let the evil which others intended for me enter my heart and spread roots.
When we discussed the post I realized that he was honest and upstanding even though he had been raised in a broken home. He has gone through so much turmoil due to the dysfunction of divorce but yet I have come to a point where I have only admiration for him.
Once again he has taught me something and I know he is trustworthy. I hope and pray he continues on that path.