FEAR

I had an emotional roller coaster of a day yesterday. Fear was knocking at my front door. I was worried about my financial future.

Unfortunately I revealed my fear to an acquaintance who didn’t think my fear was warranted.

The conversation with this man via text messages was confusing to me.  He couldn’t understand my fear and in the process of our conversation my fear deepened.

I was trying to understand exactly why God had even allowed this man to contact me when I got a phone call.

It was from a woman that I had met at a networking event. We were supposed to have coffee in the afternoon and talk about the different businesses that we were involved in.

Kerri had been a single mother for ten years.

She understood my fear. She sent me a link to an encouraging sermon via text message and prayed over me.

Even though I cancelled the coffee date in the afternoon because I thought it would be a waste of time for her, she still showed me the love of Christ.

She had walked the path that I have walked as a single mother.

She knew my fear.

But does God know my fear?

When Jesus came down to earth He came as a man. He had the Spirit of God within Him but yet He was human.

He was tempted just as we are, maybe more so; I have yet to go without food for forty days and then have the devil offer me a loaf of bread.

The destination of Christ was crucifixion but with every step to the cross He was human.

He overcame the world but He did not overcome it without being a part of it.

He understands us, just as my friend, Kerri, understood me yesterday.

The love of God astounds me.

He could have sent His son down to earth as a King.

That is what the Jews were looking for. They wanted a King to deliver them.

If Christ had been a King, would He be able to understand us?

A King would not have understood the fear that I felt yesterday.

I know that Christ understood because He walked the same path that I am walking.

He doesn’t sit in his high heaven looking down with condemnation on me for my sins.

He looks at me through the brilliant prism of understanding and compassion.

Through understanding comes forgiveness which may be the consummate reason why God became man through His son, Jesus Christ.

Reposted from www.spotublog.com – Original post published on 02/01/2014

SINCE YOU MISSED MY BIRTHDAY..

Uh huh, you did didn’t you? You missed my birthday again.

That is ok. I will forgive you for that considering you may not have even known when it was.

However forgiving you does not include forgetting and if you want me to forget you are going to have to make it up to me.

How?

Well it is very easy just click on the cute Mommy blogger picture to the right of this post and all will be good in Gracieland again.

Now that was easy this year but next year I may ask your to run a marathon.

 

THE WELL WORN PATH OF ABUSE

While I was in college I was pursued by a man who used abuse to control me.

I had broken up with him but felt remorse so I went over to his apartment in the evening.

He had been drinking.

He said I was just a tease because I was still a virgin but yet very desirable.

Then he pulled a gun out and threatened to either rape me or kill me.

The swat team prevented him from doing either.

Thank God for them and the neighbor lady who called them when she heard me screaming.

What made me think that a man who could do such evil would be someone capable of love?

The answer lies in my childhood. I learned as a child to accept emotional and psychological abuse through verbal attacks because my mother had chosen to be bitter and unforgiving.

Because the emotional and psychological abuse from childhood had forged a path in my soul that indicated I was not good enough for a man who respected and loved me.

In the Bible it says that you should train a child up in the way they should go.

To yell at a child and say cruel things to them is to forge a path down the avenue of abuse. Is that really what we want for our children?

An abusive childhood is a very difficult ditch to crawl out of as an adult.

God does not seek for women to be subjected to abuse. God is such a tender and loving Father and one who cherishes His daughters.

In the Bible the Lord says that we are to be in submission to our husbands.

Does that mean we are to submit to abuse?

No, for in Colossians 3:19 the Lord commands husbands “to love their wives and never treat them harshly.”

Abuse is harsh.

We as women are to be loved in the same measure as Christ loved the church, giving His dear life for our sins.

If a man loves a woman to the extent that Christ loved the church submission is a privilege, not an obligation.

It is important for us to teach our daughters to seek men who love them in this way.

This is the only way the generational curse of abuse can be broken.

I believe that my sweet and beautiful daughter has chosen a man who adores her and she has no problem submitting to his wishes.

They are such a beautiful and compassionate couple and I hope that through them the generational curse of psychological, emotional, verbal and physical abuse has been broken from my blood line.

If that has indeed happened then that is the greatest gift I will have given to my future grandchildren.

THE FREEDOM OF THE INTERNET MAY BE AT STAKE

After an appeals court struck down the Federal Communications Commission’s rules intended to provide equal access for online content, policy experts said they fear the Internet will begin to look more like the business of cable television, with more fees and poor service.

Under net neutrality rules adopted by the FCC in 2010, broadband providers, including Time Warner Cable and Verizon, were prohibited from prioritizing certain Internet traffic. But a three-judge appeals court ruled on Tuesday that the FCC’s anti-discrimination rules, which require broadband providers to provide the same kind of access to nonprofits and startups that large companies like Netflix receive, may be overreaching.

Read More: Net Neutrality Rules Struck Down by Appeals Court

FCC Chairman Tom Wheeler said in a statement that the commission will consider its options, including whether to appeal or draft new rules. Congress could also change the Telecommunications Act of 1996, which gave the FCC authority over companies depending on whether they are a common carrier. Common carriers are public like telephone networks, and they cannot discriminate against consumers. The FCC categorized Internet service providers as information services instead of telecommunication services, which exempted them from common carrier rules.

Here’s a list of things that could dramatically change how the Internet as you know it works because of the court ruling:

1. Degraded service

Services that consumers use without paying a special fee to Internet service providers (ISPs) will not work as well because they will be excluded from the ISP’s “fast lane,” said Michael Weinberg, vice president at Public Knowledge, a digital advocacy group in Washington, D.C.

2. Higher costs

Another short-term consequence is that services offered by an ISP that now have a fee will be more expensive, because those companies may pass the fee on to users, Weinberg said.

Companies like Netflix, which is the largest user of bandwidth in the U.S., may pay more to ISPs to make sure their content is accessible to customers.

However, the major broadband providers, like Comcast, have pledged not to discriminate. Verizon, which filed the case against the FCC, said the court decision “will not change consumers’ ability to access and use the Internet as they do now.”

Still, the companies have not committed to a specific time frame and are not bound legally to do as they say.

3. Less innovation

Though innovation of late heavily involves the Internet and Web-enabled devices, Weinberg said he fears that the court ruling will lead to fewer new innovative services in the long term.

“ISP fees will make it more expensive and harder to launch new services, especially for small companies not tied to existing players,” he said. “Ultimately, the Internet will look more like cable television — with a handful of players and a high barrier to entry — and less like the Internet as we know it today.”

Joris Evers, director of global corporate communications for Netflix, declined to comment but pointed to a statement from the Internet Association, of which Netflix is a member.

The association said it looks forward to studying the D.C. Circuit Court’s opinion and working with the FCC and policymakers to protect Internet freedom.

“The Internet Association supports enforceable rules that ensure an open Internet, free from government control or discriminatory, anti-competitive actions by gatekeepers,” the association said, implying that the FCC should take a leadership role and follow guidance set by the court to take control.

4. Uneven service: faster service for some

“Operating under the assumption that paid partnerships between ISPs and content providers will equal faster Internet and a better consumer experience, the consumers and content providers in these examples would likely be losers,” said Jessica Rothschuh, a business development manager for ZeroDivide, a nonprofit group that advocates for under-served communities for technology issues.

“In the case of the local media outlet, for example, which would be unable to pay more to be delivered on the ‘fast lane,’ they may find that their consumers leave their site before the multimedia content loads,” she said.

5. Greater technological divide by income, demographic

ZeroDivide President and CEO Tessie Guillermo said her organization was disappointed by the ruling.

“The headlines have focused on the possible loss of cheap streaming movies and TV shows, but we as a society stand to lose much more,” she said in a statement.

In addition to Netflix, other content providers that provide educational opportunities or patient-health communication will be unable to share their content, he said. She said he hopes the FCC will appeal the case to the Supreme Court so services like video conferencing platforms will not be limited by burdensome costs.

“A child in a rural area who loses the ability to video conference with her physician specialist, a single dad who can no longer take his online college courses or a community media outlet in the inner city that is charged more to distribute its news — these are real losses,” Guillermo said.

The source of this news story came via ABC News. The title was my creation but all content is due to their good reporting, not mine.


MY GREATEST CONCERN

As I prepared for my court date yesterday to try and win the back child support I had an overwhelming concern.

If I lost would I think that God still loved me?

So many times circumstances can be camouflaged as God’s love or disapproval.

I detested every minute of preparation for this court hearing. It is not my nature to be vengeful. That may be why I did not look at the time of the court appearance close enough.

When I found out that I had missed the time of the hearing and the case was dismissed I was furious. Not at the judge, but at myself and even more at God.

I wondered why the Holy Spirit hadn’t nudged me to look at the time on the court papers. I wondered why I hadn’t been more diligent in preparing for this hearing.

Then I remembered how many people had prayed for me regarding this hearing and how many dear souls had shown me support and I realized several things.

God is in control and He still loves me.

He also loves my ex-husband. He desires for my ex-husband to open his heart to His love.

Would winning this court case have furthered that cause? I doubt it. Furthermore there is no guarantee that I would have won. If I lost I would have sunk into despair like an anchor.

It is not my right to take vengeance. That is God’s right.

My responsibility is forgiveness, prayer and peace.

To forgive myself for being such a silly nut who worked so hard on this and then dropped the ball at the end of the game.

To forgive my ex-husband for being the selfish man that he is.

To forgive a system which, in all measures seems unfair, and has been such a difficult system to work with.

Once I have the peace of forgiveness in my heart I need to turn to God and see what He wants me to do next.

What path should I walk on now?

Should I go back into nursing as everyone else has suggested or do I continue to follow the path of being a Christian writer which is what God has suggested? Could I do both and keep my sanity?

For those of you who have interceded for me in prayer I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It is your prayers which have given me peace. I know that the outcome of yesterday was not what I wanted but it is what God wanted.

Only God knows the future and only God knows what damage could have been done if I would have succeeded in my fight for justice.

All of the money in the world can not achieve peace.

True peace comes from God and it is priceless.

 

MAKING A LIVING

Since May of 2012 I have been living off of savings.

In September of 2013 I started this blog.

I have written almost every day and have tried my hardest to write great content.

I have had several people suggest that I ask for donations to support my blogging.

I resisted at first but I realize that if I intend to make writing my occupation it is necessary that it produce income.

That is the reason why I have now posted a donation button.

I will appreciate any donation however small or large.

Please keep me in your prayers as I am not sure which direction God wants me to take in my life.

 

AN UNEXPECTED ANSWER TO PRAYER

To all of you who have lifted me up in prayer regarding my court date I want to thank you for your intercession.

I received an unexpected answer.

I had thought that the court time was 1:30 pm and was preparing to go to the hearing this morning when I happened upon the court records. The court records said the time was 8:30 am.

I was crestfallen. I had missed the time so I got in my car and raced to the courthouse.

The judge had dismissed my case. She had every right to do that.

I was mad at God and even madder at myself for getting the time wrong.

I remembered though that I had many people praying for me. How could God not be on my side in this instance?

Maybe He is on my side.

It is possible that if I had won this case that there would have been so much more division and hate flowing through my family, instead of forgiveness and compassion.

He is a God of mercy and although my ex cheated me out of >$150,000 while I was the custodial parent, is that amount of money so important to me that I can not show him mercy?

I will scan the calculation’s of back child support to my ex requesting him to pay me but I will not demand it legally. I doubt he will pay me a penny but one can always hope.

I ask that you intercede for me because my finances are not in a good state right now but I believe that God is my provider and I have honored him throughout my life with being a diligent tither.

I am hoping that my heavenly Father will bestow blessings upon me as I release this injustice to Him.

 

PRAYER REQUESTS

First of all I need to extend my gratefulness to those of you who lifted my friend David’s son, Daniel, up in prayer to our holy Father. His 5th cervical vertebrae was shattered in an auto accident while he was riding with David.

He was just released from the hospital yesterday and although C5 controls all motor function and damage to that vertebrae can result in paralysis, God had another plan for Daniel. He walked out of the hospital with a walker. Yippee!

I also want to praise God for his hand of protection over my brother who fractured his 6th and 7th cervical vertebrae in a four wheeler accident in September.

At a recent family reunion my sister-in-law reported what the  paramedics said when they flew my brother to the hospital.

If the fracture of his 6th vertebrae had been just a slight bit different he would have gone to be with the Lord and I would have lost my brother whom I love so deeply.

If the fracture of his 7th vertebrae had been a placed just a hair’s width off he would have been paralyzed.

They didn’t expect him to walk.

Due to God’s protective hand he is walking and is farming again.

Glory to God!

Continue to keep both of these men in your prayers as you are led by the Holy Spirit.

A traumatic injury such as a cervical fracture can sap the strength of the strongest men and they need prayers for full restoration and healing.

Now I  have a personal prayer request.

Tomorrow I am representing myself in a court proceeding against my ex-husband. This action was initiated by me to try to collect back child support.

I am not a lawyer so I ask intercession for wisdom and a sense of calm throughout this proceeding.

I am standing on the Word of God for this proceeding and have claimed Proverbs 18:5 as my verse in this matter.

Proverbs 18:5, “It is not right to acquit the guilty, nor to deny justice to the innocent.”

I have searched the very depths of my soul to make sure that there is no motivation for revenge in this matter.

I am at peace with the knowledge that my yearning is justice and not revenge.

Please intercede for me in this matter.

MY BEST MEMORIES

This morning as I lie awake in bed I let my mind skip back to the joy I felt yesterday morning. I was in the presence of the Lord and was among people who truly loved Him.

I thanked Him for allowing me the privilege of going to church.

I have so many cherished memories of church when I was a young girl.

I remember being so very excited about the Christmas pageant. It was always such a joy to have a new dress and get up on stage and sing Christmas carols.

My church would hand out a bag with an apple, orange, some nuts and some candy after the Christmas event. I remember thinking how great that was.

It wasn’t that I didn’t get good food from my parents, my Mother was better than Betty Crocker, but this bag was mine.

One of the funnest times of my childhood was riding my bike into town for Daily Vacation Bible School. I enjoyed learning about God and the picnic at the end had some of the best food. The watermelon was always delicious.

Recently I studied the festivals of the Old Testament and their corresponding symbolic replication in the New Testament. I realized from all of the festivals that were demanded by God that He revels in celebration.

He is not grumpy. He is not angry. He is not judgmental.

He is totally into having a celebration!

Church should be inspiring and fun.  I think that as soon as you leave the parking lot you should have the yearning to turn right around and go right back. You definitely should feel loved.

I know that is exactly how I felt yesterday and how I have felt many times about the churches which I have been so blessed to have been a part of.

In Psalms 84:1 the Bible says, 1)”How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 2) I long, yes, I faint with longing to enter the courts of the Lord.”

FREEDOM IN WORSHIP

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Today as spring slid slyly into the atmosphere my spirit was yearning to be outside. I had previously made plans with my dear friend, Josh Hernandez, to meet him at his church.

Josh’s church is called Freedom in Worship and the pastor and his wife  minister primarily to the homeless.

One of the many cool things about this church is that they meet outside near the homeless shelters. They actually meet in a park.  The address is 1401 East Presidio in Fort Worth, TX.

So on a day like today when I just want to be outside this is the best church in the metroplex to attend. (It is the best church even if it is 30 degrees outside but I am a lightweight in cold weather.)

It is not only the weather which draws me to this church. It is the love of Christ which flows so freely from the people who attend. The pastor’s wife gives the best ever bear hugs and the pastor is truly a God seeking man.

Pastor Llano can deliver a sermon with such intensity that it can energize you. Today the sermon opened with Llano telling us that we were God’s beloved.

Sometimes life can make you feel like a piece of trash but that does not change how God views you. You are still His beloved.

I think that this belief is key to having a God identity.

Knowing that you can never mess up so much that God thinks you are hopeless. He loves us so much that He sacrificed the one and only Son He had.

I have felt many emotions when attending different churches but when I attend Freedom in Worship I truly feel beloved. They show the love of God, they don’t just talk on and on about it.

If you live in the metroplex you may want to stop by sometime to get some lovin because this church knows how to do that better than most.

Have a Super Sabbath!