My two teenage boys became emissaries of their narcissistic dad yesterday and attacked me with disrespect, dishonor and maybe even hate.
He has them wrapped around his little pinkie asking them to make this short vacation with me a living nightmare.
I had planned to take them to go see the Stockyards and maybe take them out to a movie. That didn’t happen.
The only fun thing we did all day was to have breakfast with my friend, David, and then it was full on attack, with me being the target.
As soon as we were driving home they started to tell me that taking their dad back to court for the child support he had cheated me out of was a bad thing to do.
My oldest son said if I won the case he would never talk to me again. Considering how he talked to me yesterday, that may be a blessing if that is my reality.
My other son said he would not come to see me anymore. That is his choice at this point in his life.
If he could choose to go live with his dad at 14 years old I don’t think he should be forced to visit his mother when he is 17 years old.
My oldest son asked me if I loved him. I didn’t respond because I knew the question was a trap.
I have born both boys naturally,
I have raised them as good as I know how.
I have provided a stable home, cooking them nutritious meals.
I have taken them to church. I have testified as to God’s work in my life.
I have encouraged them in every worthwhile endeavor that I saw them embrace.
I have not abused them, nor have I tolerated others abuse of them.
I have given them money and done without many things so that they could have things which they did not need. What more could I do to show love?
In the evening they hovered around me as I was planning to go out to see a movie and possibly meet a friend.
I think they were expecting me to cry. I had cried a great deal during the day but did it behind closed doors.
In the evening my youngest son said I had changed from what I used to be.
They are right I have changed.
I have realized if you don’t fight back against an abuser you enable the abuse to continue.
My lawsuit against their dad is not one of revenge it is one of justice. It is also the first time I have been overtly aggressive against him.
I am coming to the conclusion that the person that I must love more than any other is me, not them.
I will always love my children. The question should have been if they loved me.
It remains to be seen whether they can love me when I am learning to love myself.