This year was going to be different. I did not set any New Year’s goals but I certainly had expectations for 2018. My prayers included being healthy, finishing my novel, developing my own publication enterprise and putting that novel into as many hands as could hold it.
In addition to this, I had expected to welcome a dog to my home. I fell in love with this dog, Pete, a few years ago.
Work was becoming exactly what I wanted it to be. My company was finally successful enough to give me enough home health admits, re-certifications and skilled nursing visits to keep me challenged. The administrator said I was their main nurse and when I asked for a raise the owner called and gave me a size-able raise.
Life was good. I had had surgery on my collar bone on December 20th and although I had severe pain in the morning it was calmed with a Tylenol #3.
On June 4th, I was on my way to pick up my niece from a hotel to take her and my daughter to dinner. She is in college campus ministry in Arkansas and has a yearly conference in Fort Worth. She is an absolute doll and walks the walk of Christ. She is also the daughter of my brother, who is getting divorced, so I didn’t want to miss the chance to show her my love.
As I was driving, my Google maps decided to force me to use Uber. Why on God’s green earth I would need Uber if I was using Google maps? Somebody at Google has lost their ever loving mind. I got so angry at the app I uninstalled it and reached back into my car for my Ipad which I use for navigation. That is when I felt a shearing pain in my right collar bone.
The pain increased to such an extent that by Tuesday the following week I broke down in tears when I moved my arm the slightest. The surgical site was inflamed and warm to the touch. I immediately came to the conclusion that I had infection and went back to the surgeon. They said it was not infection. I had had fever the day after surgery, felt a warm flush and nausea and vomiting while at church, and chills on and off. I was more than upset that they did not even take a blood draw.
On Wednesday the pain was so severe I begged my daughter to take me to the ER. She works nights and she was sleeping but the dear got up and drove me. Her sweet fiance’ picked me up. What dear children they are.
At the ER they took a CAT scan and said my bone looked fine. They again did not do a blood draw. The pain continued to be so severe I was breaking down into tears.
I finally broke down and called the man whom I have referred to as my former boyfriend. I asked him if he would mind coming over to help out. He put his own life on hold for four whole days and served me hand and foot. He was the kindest attendant I could have asked for. He said he was just about ready to let go of our relationship and then this happened.
Every time I try to push him over the cliff into the abyss of nothingness, God humbles me and breaks me so that I can once again realize the valuable person that he is. In this instance, I was totally broken. I could not bathe, dress, brush my hair or prepare food.
I thought back to the time when I was married. When my husband had to take care of me, he would do it with anger and indignation. Not trying to bash the ex here. He has a lot of good traits but care giving is not a natural for him. Whereas my boyfriend did everything I asked with pure joy and he turned my tears into laughter. We have such remarkable synergy that we can make the most dire of circumstances a source of laughter.
He gave God the glory for his steadfastness in the relationship. I do say he is connected to God in a supernatural way.
This Christmas he had given me a portable PC work table so that I could document while I was watching TV. I rolled my eyes when I saw it. That was the last thing I needed. Just another item to clutter up my living room. I put it to the side, still in the cardboard box and left it there. I rarely watch TV and seldom do I document while watching TV. It was clear to me this man didn’t have a clue as to who I really was.
Yet by last Friday just the slightest amount of movement in my right arm brought me to tears. I couldn’t work as a home health nurse in that kind of pain. I still needed to finish my novel though and saw this as a divine opportunity to finish that project. Only problem was my desk was too high and my kitchen table was too high for me to type at on my laptop. My boyfriend suggested we try that new PC work table and we adjusted it to the absolute perfect height. I am typing on that sweet table right now!
Ladies, I am telling you, if you have a man who is committed to God, your provisions will be provided before you think you need them. THAT is how great my God is. I am so grateful for a man who loves Him enough to read his Word every day, pray daily and then listen to the Holy Spirit.
My boyfriend embodies the sacrificial love of Jesus for me in so many ways. I in turn, am grateful that God broke me to the point where I could acknowledge that I need him.
My expectations for 2018 have turned upside down. I think now, my expectation is to become grateful for every twist and turn in my journey with God. I know He will provide for me what I need before I even experience the reality of that need. What a loving Father He is!